


honey just put your sweet lips on my lips (we should just kiss like real people do)

by commandmetobewell



Series: The Commander, the Princess, the Mechanic, and the Warrior [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, OT4, Physical Disability, Two Shot, aka the little gay emo bean gets loved and doesn't die, and agitated chipmunk will fight anyone to protect the emo bean, and everything is okay, and smol birb is the hero we don't deserve, because she deserves to be loved and so does angry potato, no one dies and everyone is safe i promise, the first is slightly angsty but a real happy ending don't worry, the second part is all tooth-rotting fluff, this is a 1am fic this time hooray for me for not killing myself from insomnia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 20:49:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6166444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commandmetobewell/pseuds/commandmetobewell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke, Raven, and Octavia show Lexa that life is about more than just survival.</p><p>(And for once, Lexa allows herself to let them.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	honey just put your sweet lips on my lips (we should just kiss like real people do)

**Author's Note:**

> Episode seven never happened and everything is okay. Denial is a river in Egypt, I heard… (aka I'm still dying).
> 
> This is based loosely on the prompt I got from Ascaduin on AO3: "Either through fighting or helping with a disaster (fire, storm, etc) or something else, Lexa is seriously injured. She doesn’t die, but ends up with some kind of lasting injury that affects her ability to fight and die other stuff (ie: blind in one eye, deaf in one ear, can’t walk the same or hold a sword the same way). The other three help her overcome what she believes to be a weakness and shortcoming to see that she is still a strong, capable leader."
> 
> I hope this was up to your vision! I might do another take on this, maybe a bit more angsty, but I think right now that all of us need a bit of fluff and good love right now. I love you all, my friends, stay strong.
> 
> The story and chapter titles are from the song "Like Real People Do" by Hozier.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is injured in an attack and Clarke, Octavia, and Raven are the only ones who can bring her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings for part one, just expect some light angst and a lot of hurt/comfort.
> 
> Fun fact - I wrote the bullet scene before I watched episode seven. I'm not mad, really.
> 
> (yes, I really am)

It's a quiet morning in Polis tower, with the rays of the sun beaming down through the filtered blinds. The warm, golden light cascades over three nude bodies upon the soft furs, slowly stirring awake with the slightest draft from the early wind. Grumbles and moans part the silent air, leaving the bodies restless and aching at the same time. The first to fully awaken is Octavia, always energetic and ready to go. Her hair is a dishevelled mess, but she still manages a smile when she glances down to see Raven and Clarke wound around her body, snoring into her shoulders as they snuggle closer.

"Wake up," she murmurs to them softly, reaching out to softly drag her hands up and down their spines, "it's a new day."

"I'm pretty sure we fell asleep on the dawn of this new day," Raven grunts into Octavia's neck, nosing the soft skin under her jaw. "Let us sleep."

"Ditto," Clarke mutters tiredly, wrapping herself tighter around Octavia's warm, strong body. "Stop talking and sleep."

"Lexa is coming back today," Octavia beams down at her two partners. Usually nothing gets them out of bed but the prospect of seeing their mate return from a long peacekeeping visit to Shallow Valley allows them to perk up slightly. It isn't without a few teasing groans before they leave the confines of their furs and dress themselves in preparation for the day. When Raven has finally done up her bomber jacket, Clarke reaches for the door, swinging it open in surprise to see Indra waiting, tapping her foot in both annoyance and irritation.

"The council requests the presence of Wanheda," Indra says, raising a brow as she catches Octavia and Raven kissing over her shoulder. "If you're going to be the interim Heda whenever the Commander is away on business, you'd better be ready to arrive early to your meetings, if not on time, sky girl."

"Sorry," Clarke apologizes sheepishly, her face turning a deeper shade of red, "I kinda slept in. Late night, you know?"

Indra doesn't offer much as a response other than the roll of her eyes and another dissatisfied grunt. She turns on her heel and beckons for Wanheda to follow in her footsteps. Clarke gulps down her insecurities and treads after the older warrior, matching her pace after a few strides. Indra's eyes cast a side-glance over to her, another scowl forming upon her face when she sees how Clarke doesn't bother trying to hold back a yawn.

" _Yu so kom goufa_ ," Indra breathes under her breath in frustration, " _yu laik branwada._ "

"I can understand _Trigedasleng_ , you know." Clarke's response is quipped but Indra doesn't respond to the bothered tone of the younger girl. Instead, she leads them to the council halls, nodding to the two guards to open the doors and lead them both into the Commander's throne room.

"Rise for your Interim Heda," Titus' voice calls out and Clarke swallows down the nerves churning in the base of her throat as she strides into the room with her head held high and gaze pierced on the throne. A pang settles in her heart when she sees Lexa's absence. As much as the other clans have now accepted her to be the second in command to her title, she still knows that no one knows how to lead better than the real Commander herself.

"At ease," Clarke says, holding up her hand as she takes a seat upon the wooden throne, "what is the topic of today's discussion?"

"If I may, Second-Commander," Marcus' voice pipes up from where he sits at _Skaïkru's_ chair, "I would like to discuss the expansion of Arkadia's territory into the forest surrounding the lake." The other clans shift and murmur amongst themselves, watching Clarke warily as Marcus offers her a gentle smile.

"For what purpose?" Clarke ponders, cocking her head in confusion. Marcus smiles and reaches beside him for a bag. He retrieves a small pouch and opens it up, holding out a few dark seeds in the palm of his hand. He gulps when he sees a few of the representatives from Broadleaf scowling over at him.

"We wish to extend our agricultural project. We've discovered that the lands beyond the Eastern border are quite fertile during this time of year," Marcus tells the blonde in a quiet voice. Indra raises her brow, trying to hide the smirk upon her face when she sees the man pass a friendly glance to the other ambassadors in the room. "In exchange, we welcome trade and the division of the crops for the  _Trishana_ and _Delfikru_ since it's bordering them."

Before Clarke can answer, the door of the war council chambers slams open, revealing a pale and breathless looking Octavia. Clarke stands immediately, Titus and Indra coming to her sides as Octavia's eyes well with tears. A hushed silence befalls the ambassadors as Octavia stumbles into the room on shaky knees. It takes her a few moments, with her emotions well composed and hidden, before she reaches the three governors at the head of the room.

"Clarke," Octavia rasps shakily, "it's Lexa."

"What happened?" Clarke whispers back, her eyes going wide. Octavia gulps and shakes her head, looking around at the other ambassadors in the room. Sensing the need for privacy, she quickly barks out the end of the meeting, saying that they will resume the conversation at a later time. It's not until after a few moments before the room is empty bare for the four of them as Clarke reaches for the younger brunette's arm worriedly. "O, what happened?"

"There's been an attack in one of the villages where Lexa was inspecting," Octavia whimpers as she looks up at the blonde with a teary gaze, "scouts came back saying the Commander was injured in the battle." Clarke's stomach drops and she doesn't hesitate to turn to Titus. The older man gets her intentions from the look on her face but remains reluctant to let her go. When the blonde's gaze hardens, he has no choice than to nod and sigh in defeat.

"Octavia, take your most trusted squadron with you with Wanheda," Titus orders the esteemed General. "The camp will need help in case of further attack." The brunette doesn't hesitate to nod, but before she can go to say something, another raspy voice pipes up from the entrance of the throne room. 

"I'm coming with you," Raven says as she enters the throne room with a machine gun already slung over her right shoulder and a determined gaze painted upon her face. Clarke and Octavia exchange a glance, but know better than to argue and waste time when their partner could be in immense pain.

"We leave now," Clarke orders as she bids her farewell to Indra. The stoic warrior nods firmly, but the blonde doesn't miss the faint flicker of worry that passes over her dark eyes. Raven and Octavia are already at the door by the time she's caught up. Her shoulders are trembling as images of a downed Lexa, covered in a mess of broken limbs and torn muscles, flood through her mind. Her imagination causes her stomach to churn in the worst of ways.

"We've already got Abby to patch up Helios with a medical kit," Octavia says as she weaves through the halls and towards the entrance of the tower. Clarke just nods and follows in silence, knowing that should she open her mouth, she might as well spew everything she'd consumed the night before upon the marbled floors. Luckily, she feels two weathered hands grasping her own pair as Raven and Octavia offer a supportive glance, biting their lips anxiously.

"We're gonna get there and we'll help her," Raven assures her strongly, "she's strong, babe. She'll be okay. She's gotta be okay."

"Please," Clarke begs under her breath as she eyes the horses and Octavia's unit waiting at the doors, "I need her to be okay."

**[(*)]**

"Heda," a soft voice grumbles through the flaps of her tents, "Aron has returned from the scouting mission."

"Tell him to enter," Lexa mutters tiredly, her side aching as she leans over the maps. There's a rustling before the tent flaps open, revealing the tall, stocky warrior that commanded the Shallow Valley's scouting unit. She holds back a wince as she straightens and nods at him to enter further and reveal his findings from the scouting mission. Aron's sharp grey eyes flit down to the darkening patch of black upon her side worriedly, but Lexa shakes her head.

"Have you come to speak or stare?" Lexa demands with a sharp hiss. Aron stiffens and snaps his head up, looking slightly ashamed. He clears his throat and rolls out a map, striding over to his Commander before placing the findings upon her war table. Together, they map out the sight of the potential attackers.

"Rebels," Aron gruffly states, still worried by the pale complexion of his Commander as she hovers at his side, "my sources tell me they belong to the old _Azgeda_ followers. The ones that believed in the rule of the Queen before she'd been executed. Their numbers are few but their weapons are… peculiar."

"Guns," Lexa finishes as she bites back another wave of pain, "they were using rifles like the Sky People."

"Do you think they would've formed an alliance with some of the previously banished _Skaïkru_?" Aron asks, raising his brow worriedly. Lexa takes a breath, nearly coughing when she feels the hot, wet clot of blood creeping up from the base of her throat. She swallows it down painfully, blinking away the agony.

"Perhaps. Pike's _kru_ still run through the Dead Lands. There are chances that they would bind together to stage an attack. Have you gotten word from King Roan in the North?" Lexa asks back, flitting her gaze back to those calming grey eyes. Her hands are shaking upon the table now, something that Aron notices but holds his tongue against calling forward. He only straightens his spine and shakes his head solemnly, glancing down at his feet.

"The radios are being 'jammed', as the _Skaï mou_ Monty said. He and his partner Miller gave us the news shortly after the attack. I have sent word to Polis to retrieve support in preparation for another attack, just in case a threat presents itself again," Aron says, swallowing thickly when he catches anger blazing in Lexa's pained eyes. She pulls her lips back in a snarl when she hears the underlying message in her scout's voice.

"You sent for the city's warriors?" Lexa growls through clenched teeth. "It is far too dangerous-"

"You are refusing to seek medical attention," Aron clips back, fighting the urge to flee at Lexa's defensive glare, "we cannot allow another attack."

"I should have your head for this," Lexa mutters, but her voice cracks as she stumbles again from blood loss, "but I need you in order for your people to be protected. Consider this a warning, however. Do not disobey me again, General. Defying me will cost you your life. Is that understood?" Aron nods stiffly, taking his leave when Lexa passes him another glare. She hisses and cups her side the minute those tent flaps close shut. She treads over to her makeshift throne and plops down with a low gasp. She glances down at her side and removes her bloodied hand to reveal the gaping hole just beneath her left breast.

" _Skirsh_ ," the Commander mutters as she peels up her shirt and glances back down at the bloodied wound. She closes her eyes as each breath she draws pushes the small metal object wedged between her muscles further against her weakened lung. With a muted howl, she painfully tears the cloth away from her skin to prevent the blood from sticking to her wound. Stumbling to her feet, she makes her way over to the small basin of water left by a maiden.

She thinks of Clarke, Raven, and Octavia when she dips a cloth and wets it before mopping up the blood around the torn muscle upon her waist. Her eyes burn with tears as she imagines the looks on their faces when they find out about the attack. She knows that she should've taken Octavia on this mission, but after this morning's attack, she can't help but feel grateful for having left her at home with her two other mates, safe and sound. The idea of more warriors leaving Polis - leaving her partners - terrifies her to no end. She has no control over protecting her city, her people, her loves, from so far away.

"Ryder," she barks to the tent walls, knowing her guard is listening, "fetch me Monty and Miller immediately."

" _Sha_ Heda," the response comes quickly before Lexa hears retreating footsteps. She finishes mopping up the remainder of the blood around her wound, grimacing when the cloth comes away blackened and drenched in the thick liquid. She tosses it aside before haphazardly wrapping another cloth around her midsection to stem the bleeding. She can deal with the injury later. For now, she has a village to protect and a threat to end.

"You requested us, Commander?" Monty's voice pipes up from the tent's entrance. Lexa nods her head up and wearily beckons for them to come in. She doesn't understand why she's feeling so tired and sickly. This is not the first time she'd been shot at by the _ripa's_ weapon of choice, but it's the first time in which the metal bullet has caused her a great deal of pain outside of just tender aches and stinging tears in her skin.

Lexa instead pushes aside the thought and numbs the pain she faces in order to focus upon the previous member of _Skaïkru_ and his partner. They'd become members of Shallow Valley after having seen the destruction of Arkadia upon the Grounders, and wanting to have nothing of it, chose to live amongst her people. They'd been accepted almost immediately into the culture after their devotion to providing aid to the village after a forest fire.

"Aron has notified me that your radios to _Azgeda_ have malfunctioned?" Lexa asks, still unsure of how exactly Sky People's technology worked. Raven had tried to sit her down and teach her many times, but whenever her love talked it sounded more like gibberish than anything else. She loves the mechanic to death but technology is something that Lexa will never be able to wrap her mind around, no matter how patient (or rewarding) Raven is willing to be.

"Yes," Monty answers in short, reaching in his belt for one of the radios, "we think that Pike's rebels are jamming us."

"Where would they get such materials?" Lexa asks, striding over to the younger man with a confused arch of her brow. "Mount Weather had those… what were they called… satellites? Yes, they had the last of the satellites, did they not? Raven says that they are the only things that can prevent communication."

"Not everything," Monty says as he folds over the radio to show a dent in the small casing at the back, "they could have tampered with the device. During the attack at dawn, I think I saw one of the old Farm Station guards trying to take the radio from Gunian, the village chief. He may have wrecked it."

"Can you fix it?" Lexa asks, growing impatient with the redundancy of the conversation. "Will you be able to warn the King?"

"I can try," Monty nods as he glances over to Miller, "we'll figure something out, Commander. Promise."

"Good," the older woman sighs achingly, feeling another tumultuous wave of pain wash over her, "now please, return to your job. It's imperative that you get communication to the King. I do not wish for another war against our people. Thank you for informing me of the current predicament, Monty."

"Anytime. We'll find out who did this and where to get them before it gets out of hand, Commander. We didn't get out of Mount Weather for nothing," Monty says with a dip of his head before he nods at Miller to exit. Lexa watches them leave, but then she feels another churn in her gut. She feels so sickly.

Scratch that, she thinks as she feels another flop in her stomach, she _is_ going to be sick.

Lexa barely makes it to the nearest bucket before she loses her appetite in the metal bin. She retches, tasting the familiar metal tang of her own blood coating her tongue as she vomits up both bile and blood into the basin. It takes a solid number of heaves before she's gagging out nothing but wet coughs. A cold sweat breaks out over her forehead as she rests her back against the tree trunk that supports her tent. Her body feels like it's both on fire and freezing in the cold when she shakily reaches up to wipe at her moistened, cracked lips to dispel the last tastes of blood and vomit from her mouth.

Before she knows it, Lexa finds her eyelids drooping shut as she slips into a dreamless slumber.

**|#|**

"We're here!" Octavia says as she brings Helios to a slow gallop in front of the village. She dismounts her horse upon seeing Ryder and Aron approaching from the front of the camp. The sun has just begun to set over the mountain ridges and she prays that they are not too late upon reaching the Commander.

"Where is she?" Clarke demands from behind her, med-kit already in hand as she pushes past the General and stalks up to Ryder and Aron. The latter points towards the biggest tent at the backend of the village, a grimace laden upon his face when he sees the worry etched out in the blonde's fiery blue eyes.

"Heda is in her tent," Aron instructs grimly, not bothering to hide his concern as Raven and Octavia anxiously exchange a glance, "she is in a bad way but refuses help. I did not see the injury myself, but I believe she was shot with a gun. She bleeds heavily, Wanheda." Clarke doesn't need anymore information before she's taking off in the direction of Lexa's tent, tears burning in her eyes as Octavia and Raven follow at her heels. 

Octavia reaches the tent first and pulls back the flaps, only to gasp she makes out two familiar black boots poking out from around the edge of her war table. Lexa's name leaves her lips in a harsh gasp of both shock and fear as she pushes forward. Clarke bounds past with Raven at her side, the both of them crying out in disbelief and horror when they make out the near-pasty complexion of the Commander's slick skin. Clarke nearly drops to her knees when she makes out the dark, protruding veins in her neck effortlessly pumping vital oxygen and nutrients to her brain to keep her alive.

"Lexa," Octavia whimpers as she cradles Lexa's head in her lap, " _hodnes_ , wake up. You have to wake up. _Clarke_!" She nearly screams the blonde's name when Lexa gurgles and forces her eyes open halfway. Black blood oozes from the corner of her mouth, causing Raven and Clarke to stare on in complete trepidation when they observe the struggled breaths surging up from the older woman's battered lungs. Octavia's nimble fingers run soothing patterns to her hair while her head ducks to murmur sweet nothings into her love's ear, desperately trying to block out the agonizing whimpers leaving Lexa's lips.

"Raven," Clarke says, snapping back into doctor-mode and trying to push aside the fact that this is Lexa, her mate, her lover, bleeding out before her. Raven complies and makes her way over without resistance, reaching for an alcoholic swab to wipe her hands clean before awaiting Clarke's next order. The two of them roll up the bloodied bandage around their partner's midsection, their noses crinkling up in disgust at the stench of a clear infection.

"Poison?" Octavia asks from where she is still cradling Lexa close in her lap soothingly. Clarke frowns as she cuts away the loosely wrapped cloth and inspects the wound's entry and exit. She uses an alcoholic swab to mop up the dried and wet blood from the entrance. She does her best to ignore the way Lexa's body tenses and fits in protest and fights through her tears as she continues to sterilize the wound area for better inspection. She hands Raven another cloth and the girl silently obeys, keeping the cotton pressed firmly to the tan skin to prevent further bleeding from arising.

"I don't know," Clarke mumbles as she sweeps up the interior of the wound. She barely catches the glint of the metallic bullet from where it's lodged between the two brackets of her ribs. A grimace takes over her expression as she glances up to an equally concerned Raven. The older woman nods and presses the cloth against Lexa's side tightly, preparing for the blood loss with a hardened stare down upon Lexa's ribs.

When Clarke's fingers dip inside the gaping hole to fish out the bullet, Lexa's eyes widen and a earthshaking scream pierces her lips. Octavia hums shakily, cradling Lexa's head closer to her chest as she pleadingly stares down at Clarke to hurry up the processes to save the Commander anymore pain. Clarke focuses quickly, prying out the crumpled metal from her flesh before setting it aside and reaching out for the sterilized needle and some thread. She stitches twenty-four butterfly crosses, her heart aching each time Lexa whimpers in torment with the dull ache in her skin.

"There," she whispers as she finishes tying the knot on the stitch before staring up at a glassy-eyed Lexa, "all finished, love. Let's get you to bed."

"No," Lexa rasps fitfully, clawing at the fabric of her cut-up shirt, "no, I need to stop… need to…"

"O," Clarke motions to the Heda's General as she rises. Octavia nods and maneuvers over so that she and Clarke may reach down to hoist the injured woman upwards. Lexa groans as she slumps in their arms, unable to resist the tug of fatigue that pulls at her eyes. The two women shoulder her weight as they stagger over to the bed in the corner of the room. Raven quickly pulls back the furs as the warrior and the ambassador lay their partner down.

"She's got a fever," Raven murmurs as she presses a hand to Lexa's clammy forehead, "do you think they could've poisoned the bullet?"

"I don't see how," Clarke mutters as Lexa slips into unconsciousness, her mouth parting to allow gentle snores to pass through her lips. Reaching for a clean cloth, Octavia and Raven begin to bandage up the stitched wound as Clarke goes back to inspect the bullet. She raises it to her nose and sniffs, her brow crinkling when she catches the faintest hint of something other than the bloodied tang of metal. Her eyes grow wide as she stares at her partners.

"It's the same poison _Azgeda_ dipped that arrow in from when Lexa fought off Ontari's army," she says as she looks to Octavia. A glare passes over the younger woman's expression as the formerly traitorous Ice Nation's Nightblood is brought into question. The younger warrior looks down at her beloved Commander and feels a sudden ache in her throat. Clarke drops the bullet and stalks over, tears burning in her eyes as she swallows the pit in her throat.

"We need to get her back to Polis," Clarke orders through a shaky breath, "she needs my mom."

"I'll fashion up the buggy to Helios," Octavia nods as she leaps off the bed and rushes through the tent flaps to get help with her horse. Raven remains glued to Lexa's side, her glassy eyes staring straight into the Commander's sleeping face. She reaches out and brushes her hand against those sweaty, messy curls and hums into Lexa's shoulder as she presses the softest of kisses to the Commander's neck. Clarke swallows again, feeling nervous.

"Mom will fix her," Clarke whispers as she reaches out to gently hold Lexa's scarred hand, "she… she has to fix her."

**|#|**

It took four hours to ride to Polis with the carriage and its most precious cargo. Raven ended up with Clarke inside the buggy while Ryder and Octavia led the horses towards the capital city. Scouts had already ran ahead to warn the former chancellor of their Heda's state. The ride itself was forced to be slow and well thought-out because of how the muscles torn within the Commander's torso threatened to give way and bleed the woman dry. Clarke and Raven spent their entire time pressing bandages against the stitched wound to prevent anymore of the precious dark liquid to be lost in their journey.

"We're here," Octavia's voice finally pipes through the wooden boards, "Abby's waiting out at the front with Nyko."

"Ryder," Raven quips out as she kicks the door open of the carriage and hops out, "help us get Lexa on the stretcher."

The warrior doesn't hesitate to help carefully place the wounded woman on the stretcher before he and Octavia heave it upwards and carry it towards the city's main walls. Abby is already waiting with a med kit in hand, her eyes widening at the state of the sleeping woman on the cot. She ushers them through the alleyways towards the clinic with Clarke and Raven hot on their trail. It takes a few moments and some screaming from Octavia for the people to clear the way before they manage to get towards the cobblestone building with the eggshell white, rustic painting. Clarke gasps as she hears Lexa whimper again. The brunette's eyes flit open halfway, dazedly and wildly as she tries to take in her surroundings with complete uncertainty.

"Hey," Clarke whispers as she reaches for the woman's hand, "hey, it's okay. You're okay, Lexa."

"Clarke…," Lexa chokes out in a garbled voice, her eyes casting over the blonde's shoulder to Raven's worried gaze, "… Raven…"

"Ssh," Raven murmurs as she comes up beside Clarke to place her hand upon the Commander's shoulder, "you're okay, sweetheart. Just breathe."

"Hurts…," Lexa gasps as another pitiful whimper leaves her lips, "…h-hurts… _em laksen, beja, sis ai au_ … Clarke-"

"You need to stay still, _hodnes_ ," Octavia tells her strongly, fighting to keep the shaking out of her voice when she notices just how pale Lexa has become. Those purple neck veins are bulging with strained effort to keep her blood flowing to her heart. Raven and Clarke both gasp when Lexa chokes again.

"The bullet was poisoned," Clarke says quickly to her worried looking mother, "but we don't know how, Mom."

"Raven… Clarke…," Lexa drawls their names out tiredly once more, her eyes rolling to the back of her head, "… Octavia."

"Wait out here," Abby instructs to Clarke as she sees her daughter trying to fight her way through, "you know that you can't help her now."

"I won't let her die," Clarke seethes as tears stream down her cheeks, "I… I…"

"Clarke," Raven whispers as the blonde feels a soft hand tug at her arm, pulling her back against a firm chest, "it's okay, Clarke. Lexa's okay."

Abby doesn't wait for Clarke to respond as she swivels on her heels and marches into one of the private rooms where the Commander is being prepped for treatment. A guard ends up taking Octavia's position, leaving the three lovers of the Commander to wait outside in the sterile halls. The three of them collapse to the floor in a heap, sobbing into each other's arms as they wrap themselves around each other in comfort. Raven's arms link with Octavia's around Clarke's shivering frame, knowing that the blonde's fears are more pronounced after having seen Lexa nearly die twice before.

"Lexa is our Heda," Octavia murmurs into the older woman's hair, "a bullet never stopped the Commander. It won't now."

**[(*)]**

Lexa's surgery takes eight hours.

When Abby returns from the sterile room to find the three women slumped against each other upon the backdrop of a faded mural, her eyes cloud with tears. Her hands are still stained black with blood, and as much as she still mistrusts the Commander, she knows that her death would be the end of her daughter and two partners. A low sigh leaves the doctor's lips as she pads forward to place her hands upon the mechanic and warrior's shoulders, her gaze centred on the crumpled body of her daughter lying between them. Her touch rouses them immediately, and three pairs of worried eyes stare back at her.

"Is she…?" Clarke rasps out first, tears streaking off her chin. "Did you-"

"She's okay," Abby murmurs as she leans forward to peck her daughter's forehead. "I've got her on a concoction of pain meds and antibiotics. Nyko managed to find and extract most of the poison from her system. She might have some lasting muscle damage and impaired motor control for the time being, but she will get better. It's going to be a tough road ahead, sweetheart. The poison did a number on her but I assure you, she will be okay in time." 

"Can we see her?" Raven chokes out, pulling Clarke closer into her side. "Please?" Abby sighs, but when she sees the equally pained glance on Octavia's face she cannot hesitate to nod slightly and gesture in the direction of the older woman's room. The three women bound up from the floor and stumble through the doors, leaving Abby alone in the middle of the empty room, staring at the mundane painting on the wall with tired eyes.

As soon as the three women lay eyes on the small-looking Commander upon the bed, they cannot help but burst into a fresh round of cries. Lexa looks weak and pale, her skin clammy and trembling with each breath she draws. There's a massive bandage over her chest, presumably from where Nyko had forced the poison from attacking the vulnerable organ of her heart. Another equally as large padding covers her torso, and from beneath the white cloth, Clarke can make out the faintest splotches of blackened blood. They all rush forward and surround their sleeping love, grateful for her still-beating heart.

"You're okay," Octavia hums as she presses a kiss to Lexa's forehead, "you're safe now, love."

"Rest easy, sweetheart. We're here for you," Raven whispers as she crawls next to the sleeping woman on the cot. Clarke nods and joins her other side, leaving Octavia to fall in behind her, sheltering her with her body as the three of them tightly cram themselves next to their injured lover. Lexa's throat bobs but she doesn't stir from her slumber. Only a quiet, content sigh parts her lips as three sets of hands somehow find their way upon her body in comfort.

"I need your spirit to stay where it is," Clarke murmurs as she kisses the corner of Lexa's mouth, "I need you. We all do, Lex."

It doesn't take long for the exhausted, worried lovers to fall asleep beside their partner. They're out for a few moments, not noticing as Nyko comes in to check on Lexa's vitals and spreads a few furs over their bodies to keep them warm beside Commander. Abby pokes her head through the door and watches, and after awhile both Titus and Indra check up on their resting leader intertwined with her mates so calmly. For a moment, all of them disregard the situation and simply bask in the presence of their Commander, safe and surrounded with love and affection. For once, they smile at love being _strength_.

The three women do not wake until morning, and even then Heda sleeps on in peace.

Lexa is out for a total of four days, but no one worries because as long as her chest rises and falls, Lexa will be okay.

**|#|**

Lexa, as it seems, isn't fond of the _Skaïkru's_  healing medication.

She dreams in colours and weird shapes, of strange noises and lucid hallucinations. She giggles like a child at nothing in particular, her consciousness slipping between the real world and her weird, inebriated mind. She feels higher than the soaring eagles that swoop over the forests. Her stomach feels bottomless and her mind literally swirls like she's spinning in circles. Her face feels sore from her incessant and pointless grinning. She can't form thoughts, but she can still sense warmth and comfort. She feels like she's young again, wrapped in soft furs and pretending to sleep so she can read at the candlelight after Titus would leave her room. She imagines the ridges of her favourite book as she'd hold it up to the candle and read until her head falls atop it.

"I think she's waking up," Octavia calls out from Lexa's bedside, reaching for her partner's hand before quickly drawing it into her own. Sleepy, hazy green eyes blink open as the sights of three familiar women blur around her. Raven and Clarke smile down at their lover, pressing closer to Octavia's side.

"Morning, sweetheart." Raven is the first to speak, her hand immediately reaching out to sweet a few stray ends of hair from the pale woman's face, "how are you feeling? Doc gave you the good stuff, you know. Nothing better than morphine and penicillin." Lexa frowns adorably, her tongue peaking out over her lips to wet them before she lets out a soft moan and squints her eyes at the other two, who are barely hiding their wide smirks at this point.

"Beautiful," Lexa mumbles as she grins at the them goofily, " _women_ are beautiful." 

Yeah, Lexa _really_ doesn't like this medication.

"I bet they are, Commander. Any particular woman you fancy?" Octavia teases, relieved that she can joke with her lover now instead of counting on her fingers. Lexa's eyes slide back open and more incoherent mumbling comes from her lips as she tries to shift herself upon the bed, frowning again.

"I have loved many women as Heda," Lexa continues to babble nonsensically, "but none compare to the goddesses of the sky."

"Goddesses, huh?" Raven beams as she winks over to a blushing Clarke and chuckling Octavia. "Good to know you've got high standards."

"Very high," Lexa nods in her drug-addled state, her tongue peeking back out like she's in control of the organ again. "I am Commander. I get what I want, beautiful woman. I _always_ get what I want." Her hand flops upwards, like she is trying to reach for the three angelic beings at her side. There's a three-headed dog staring at her from the corner of the room, and Lexa frowns because no dog has three heads, let alone a pink one at that. She points at it, growing frustrated when the beautiful women do not turn and follow her urging. Letting out a heady whine, Lexa groans back into the pillow.

"Am I in the afterlife?" Lexa asks bluntly as she cocks her head at them. "Because you look like the goddesses that once loved me."

"Was that a… pick up line?" Raven asks with a quirk of her brow to the Commander. Lexa grunts and closes her eyes, falling into the throes of sleep as she shifts closer towards the tan hand upon her forehead, with the thumb rubbing softly over the creases in her skin. She doesn't understand what this woman means by a pick-up line. She is not picking anyone up. She is still floating and how can she pick someone up when she's floating?

Sky People are weird.

"Clouds," Lexa murmurs as she stares up at the ceiling, seeing the stars now. She grins again, beaming at the gorgeous women who surround her. "The clouds are where we are. I must be in the afterlife if we are floating in the clouds. I think it's called… it's… oh yes, the books call it heaven. I'm in _heaven_."

"Not gonna lie, I'm kinda curious as to what her reaction to _Jubi_ nuts would be," Raven mutters under her breath, obviously amused by the situation. Lexa frowns at her, but her gaze is glazed over and distant, staring off into yet another lucid daydream, probably. Clarke's eyes are wide as she glares at Raven before she rolls them in annoyance. The mechanic looks sheepish, but only flusters further when she sees Lexa looking back at her again, heart-eyes on full blast. There are tears in those wide green eyes as she tries to inch towards the hands that comfort her and soothe her hazy, swimming mind.

"You're not in heaven, babe," Octavia laughs as she leans down to peck Lexa's lips. "And we're not goddesses. We're yours."

"Mine," Lexa echoes as she eyes them each again with another sliding grin, "you are more beautiful than the ones in my dreams. And you are all mine?"

"Completely," Clarke murmurs as she slides her hand up and down Lexa's side, smiling down at her lover encouragingly. Lexa's gaze softens when she meets the gaze of the younger woman. The three women look at each other before they resettle themselves on the cot, surrounding Lexa with their warm bodies. The high Commander snuggles against them like a child, her lips pouting when she hears them giggling at her drug-induced actions.

"Not funny," Lexa grumbles into Clarke's neck, "I am Heda, not some _gada_. I am not funny. I was chosen to be strong and big and terrifying. I am the ghost in the night, the light in the dark, the protector of humanity. The Commander listens to no one's command, beautiful woman. _I_ command everyone."

"Including beautiful goddesses?" Octavia beams a shit-eating grin as she glances down at the frowning Commander, now curled up in between Clarke and Raven. Lexa grunts comically as she rolls over to tightly grip Raven's shirt in her scarred hand. The mechanic smiles softly before pecking her clammy brow.

"No," Lexa says like it's information they should know. Her small lips part to expel a soft scoff. "They are my _goddesses_ , not my subjects."

"Smooth," Raven chuckles as she kisses Lexa's forehead again, smiling at the sight of those cracked lips turned upwards in the most fleeting of smirks. Clarke runs her hands up the older woman's sides and presses her head into the crook of the brunette's neck, taking in the faint scent of pine. Octavia sighs against Clarke's back as she glides her hand over the blonde's waist and places it upon the Commander's thigh, her thumb stroking a soothing line into the fabric of her pants. Lexa practically purrs and melts into putty at the response, her own hand softly clasping over it.

"Sleep, sweetheart," the mechanic hums as she pecks the corner of Lexa's mouth, "we'll be here for when you wake again."

"And after?" Lexa asks, her voice quiet and vulnerable as she gazes at the three women with tears in her eyes, "what about after?"

"Forever after," Clarke whispers as she swallows down her emotions at the sight of the woman she'd nearly lost days ago, "we'll always be here."

"I think I could grow to like that," Lexa mumbles again, her eyelids drooping shut once more, " _forever_ and _always_. Yes, I like that."

"So do we," the women echo as sleep takes their lover once more.

|#|

"Mom?" Clarke asks as she sees her mother waiting in the doorway. Lexa is sleeping still, her body taken over by another concoction of drowsy pain medication. It's been a few days since she'd woken up in her inebriated-like state. Abby stands, shifting from foot to foot worriedly, her gaze landing on the resting Commander. Clarke sets aside the book she'd been reading to Lexa's motionless frame and stands, walking over to her concerned mother.

"What's wrong?" She asks, glancing back over her shoulder to where Lexa continues to sleep away the pain. Abby sighs, bowing her head as she hands over a tablet. Clarke takes it and stares at the holographic screen, flipping through the scans of Lexa's body until she comes upon something that startles her.

"The poison got into the sciatic nerve and ruptured it," Abby murmurs sadly, almost remorsefully. "Clarke… I don't think-"

"Lexa will walk," Clarke seethes as she shoves the tablet back, refusing the data. "She didn't dodge death to become immobilized. Her people-"

"Sweetheart." Abby's voice is soft, too soft for her liking. Clarke's eyes well with tears as she shakes her head and she holds a hand over her mouth to choke back the sob that creeps up at the back of her throat. She shakes her head and nearly collapses when Abby takes her into a wide, sweeping hug.

"I'm not saying she won't walk again," Abby coos into her ear softly, "but it's a possibility, Clarke. One we must consider."

"It's not fair," Clarke whimpers into her mother's neck, "not after everything she went through - what _we_ went through." 

"Jackson is riding up with a few of my other interns tonight. We will do surgery to repair what we can, but honey, there's only so much we can do. Lexa… I know what she means to you and I will try as best as I can to salvage what can be saved," Abby vows, but Clarke pushes her away with a growl, not accepting the support her mother wants to give her. Abby reads that she needs space and nods, dipping her head remorsefully as she turns on her heel. Just as she is about to leave, she steps in the way of an oncoming Raven who's holding a bag of food and an apple in her hand.

"Doc," the mechanic beams, but then her smile falters when she hears the quiet sobbing of her lover in the other room. The bag in her hand nearly drops as she juts forward, but Abby catches her, halting her on the spot and preventing her from moving past her. Raven's eyes scour the doctor's own confusedly.

"What happened?" She asks with a raspy voice. Abby doesn't speak, but her eyes do flit down to Raven's brace.

"No," Raven whispers as she gets the nonverbal message, "no, no she's stronger than that. It couldn't have… the bullet… no, Abby _please_."

"We'll do what we can," Abby murmurs quietly, sighing as she picks herself back up and glances at Raven solemnly. "I'm sorry, Raven."

The mechanic doesn't speak as Abby moves past her and walks down the hall to where other patients wait upon her inspection. The brunette looks to her own leg and the brace, feeling a sinking feeling in her gut. But then, flashes of Lexa's encouraging words from their first night together flash through her mind. She draws a brave breath and opens the door, devastated to see Clarke now over at Lexa's side, sobbing into the older woman's shoulder.

"Hey Princess," Raven calls out softly, placing the bag of food at the side of the table. "It's okay, we're going to get through this."

"How?!" Clarke seethes as she whips her head around, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy from sobbing. "If she can't walk, she'll be killed!"

"Listen to me, Clarke." Raven's voice drops to a low growl as she stalks forward before kneeling before the blonde. She pushes the wince away and focuses on the crying woman in front of her. She reaches out and takes Clarke's hands, squeezing them tightly in her own palms as she eyes her with a determined glance. She forces back her own numbing throb in her knee as she takes Clarke's hands and kisses her trembling fingers with reassurance and love.

"No one is going to take her away from us," she tells her as she glances over to where Lexa still sleeps, "not while we still breathe."

"But the Commander-"

" _Fuck_ the Commander," Raven growls as she stares up defiantly at Clarke. "You've been leading in Polis when she's away. You can do that until she gets better. Octavia will handle the war councils with Indra. Titus will provide you with assistance. I will deal with defences of the city with the other guards. We changed that, remember? No more of this blood must have blood bullshit. That goes for this, too. We didn't save her to let her go. I won't allow it." Clarke sniffles and continues to cry as they both look at their beloved Commander on the bed, still lost to the safety of her unconscious state. Raven swallows thickly, tugging on Clarke's hands with an immense amount of gentleness as she draws the blonde's attention back on her own.

"Are you with me?" Raven asks, her words feather-light and sweet. "Are you going to fight for Lexa with me?"

Clarke doesn't hesitate to nod this time as she whispers, "until my last breath."

Just then, Octavia walks in on them, her kohl smudged from the training session she'd been monitoring that morning. Her eyes are darkened with grief and both Raven and Clarke can see the understanding in those pale depths. Raven rises stiffly and draws Octavia in for a massive hug, cradling her and kissing her as she starts to break down in the mechanic's arms. Clarke follows suite after some time spent watching over her beloved before she grabs for them both and they wrap their arms around each other, crying like they'd done a few days ago when they'd been waiting on news of Lexa's survival.

"We won't let her die," Octavia seethes as she sniffles again, wiping away at her hot tears, "not yet."

Just as Raven goes to reply, a coughing sound erupts from behind them. The three women turn to see Lexa's eyes blinking open slowly and they steel themselves, reeling in their emotions before they make their way over to the injured Commander. Lexa's expression is clearly laden with pain, but they can all see the clarity in her green depths. The drugs have passed through her system now, and the agony flitting beneath those watery eyes nearly breaks them. Raven sits upon the bed, reaching out to frame the older woman's face with a barely-concealed shaking hand. Lexa gasps, her mouth parting slightly.

"You're okay, love. Here, have some water, okay?" Raven coos as she looks over to where Octavia is bringing the cup of water with the straw in it to Lexa's mouth. Raven helps adjust her head so that she can drink the fluid a bit easier, soothingly humming for her to do it slowly for there is no rush. Lexa finishes taking a few more swigs before she lays her head back upon the pillow, staring up at the ceiling with glassy eyes and a distant gaze.

"Do you want me to get my mother to adjust your medication?" Clarke whispers soothingly as she reaches out to squeeze Lexa's hand. The Commander barely hazards a shake in her head as a few tears drip down her cheeks. It takes everything in the blonde to not break down right there, in front of her love. But then, Lexa's eyes flit downwards and she pierces all three of them with one of the most heart-wrenching, bloodcurdling expressions of pure torment.

"I can't feel my legs," she whispers hoarsely, "I can't feel _anything_ , Clarke."

Clarke wants to explain that the poisoned bullet caused some temporary paralysis in her motor cortex, that her body may take some time to recover, that she will be okay but she just needs time, but she knows that she cannot lie to Lexa. She cannot look into those already devastated sea green eyes and tell her that everything will be alright when nothing seems to be going in that direction. And Lexa, as perceptive and intelligent as always, picks it up from the subtle increase in her heart rate and breathing. Lexa, the beautiful and patient and loving girl, sees _Clarke's_ fears and does the best thing she can.

"Don't be afraid," Lexa chokes out as she gazes over at Raven and Octavia, "if… if this is to be my end-"

"No," Raven growls as she shakes her head, blinking back her own tears, "don't you _dare_ talk like that. You're not dying, Lexa."

"I can't move!" Lexa tries to scream the words, but it only comes out as a feeble, broken croak. "I can't feel anything. I am Heda, I have to-"

"Forget about being Heda for a second," Octavia jumps in, taking Lexa's hand from Raven's lap. She squeezes it tightly and presses a kiss to the back of the woman's palms. "Forget about what your people need of you and think about yourself. You're the Commander for a reason. You aren't allowed to give up like this, _hodnes_. We brought you back here alive and damn us if we won't fight for you to get the peace and happiness you deserve, okay?"

"No one is taking you away from us," Clarke growls as she wipes her own tears away, "I won't accept that, Lex. I… I won't let them."

"Neither will we," Raven jumps in protectively as Octavia nods, "you need to rest. Let us deal with this, okay?"

Lexa doesn't say anything as she stares at them blankly, offering nothing but a desolate and solemn nod.

What else can she do?

**|(*)|**

"For fuck's sake, Lexa, stop moving or else Clarke will literally chop your legs off," Raven scolds as she sets the tray of food down beside the restless woman's side. Lexa grumbles and turns, trying once again to step off the bed and walk. She stands on wobbly knees, but before she can come crashing to the ground, Raven's arms wind around her waist and hold her up. Lexa pulls her lip into her mouth and bites back self-loathing thoughts as she glares at her legs in frustration. There's sympathy and empathy in the younger woman's gaze as she helps the stubborn Commander back onto her bed.

It's been like this for so long, Lexa thinks. It's humiliating that she, the Commander of Thirteen Clans and longest ever living Heda, is reduced to an invalid, a bed-ridden _goufa_ because of a tiny piece of metal that had once embedded itself into her spine. She wants to tear out the sheets on the bed from anger, but her hands can barely fathom the grip. Everything about her is sickeningly weak. She wouldn't dare tell her mates, but she has her days in which she stares at the tray of surgical items beside her and thinks about ending her fight so that her spirit will move on and do what its meant to do. She doesn't talk to anyone, not even her partners. The only things that go by are soft conversations involving what meal she would like, if she needs assistance to relieve herself (which, ashamedly, she _does_ ) or to move anywhere. She feels so pathetic, bound to the prisoned confines of a stale white bed.

Death is better than this. It has to be.

"You were shot in the gut and poisoned, sweetheart. You need time to heal," Raven coos as she brushes a strand of hair from face, pressing her lips to her cheek in the softest of pecks. Lexa's glare remains glassy and glued to her unresponsive legs, her mind battling through a torrential whirlwind of failure. All her brain can repeat is words of self-loathing. Somewhere in the darkness she can hear Anya mocking her for being so weak. She wonders what Costia would think of her now, of what Gustus or her parents would say at the sight of her lolling on this damned bed like a worthless hag. Lexa clenches her teeth and growls through the thoughts, feeling the rage burn through her soul. She doesn't feel like the Commander her people once worshipped. 

Lexa doesn't feel _anything_.

"You nearly died," Raven chokes out as she wraps her arms around Lexa's bandaged torso, "don't leave us now, love."

Lexa doesn't respond with words, but she does let her hand settle upon Raven's own. The Commander's head turns and she doesn't hesitate to press her lips against the younger woman's own with intense, canting need. Raven gasps into the breathy, open-mouthed kiss as Lexa's eyes screw shut to ward off another sharp slice of pain. Her jaw works, once, twice, and then three times before she pulls away from Raven solemnly. Her face carries infinite tones of dejection and frustration as she shakes her head, dispelling the tears that threaten to fall from her furrowed gaze. She wills herself to draw her mind away from the battlefield that wages an endless war and throws herself back into the present. Raven sighs again, nervously licking her lips as she catches the doubt and anxiety brewing in those troubled green depths. Everything in the mechanic aches to take that pain from her lover and hold it herself.

"How do you do it?" Lexa asks quietly, glancing up with an almost sheepish expression. "How do you stay so strong?"

"Hope," Raven says with a shrug, her hand finding Lexa's thigh as she gently rubs circles into the taut muscle. "Love, too. I used to be numb, purposeless and a burden. And then… and then we fell in love - _all of us_ fell in love - I realized that I deserve to be happy, too. I get my strength from all of you."

"I wish… I wish I could…," Lexa stammers, her voice cracking as she tries to form words that seem to burn at the tip of her tongue, "I-"

"It takes time," Raven murmurs as she tips Lexa's chin up and draws her in for a chaste kiss, "you just need to let us help you now, okay?"

"I've never done that before," Lexa admits, rubbing the back of her head uncertainly as she bites her lip again, "I've never asked for help before."

"Then start now," Clarke's voice sounds from the doorway. Lexa's gaze grows cloudy once more when she sees Octavia following in tow. They come to sit around her, their hands resting over the Commander's shaky palm. Lexa looks to each of them guiltily, and when she parts her mouth to try and say something, Octavia and Clarke wrap their arms around the trembling, dejected woman. Raven's arms cross over theirs as they shower her with kisses and affection. Clarke's head remains pressed under the older woman's jaw, her breath pattering warmly against the throbbing pulse point on Lexa's neck.

"We're going to get through this as a team," Octavia tells her strongly, squeezing her love's hand, "you're not alone anymore, Lexa."

"How… how do we start?" Lexa questions timidly as the arms around her tighten comfortingly. Clarke smiles at her before exchanging a glance with Raven and Octavia. The two women nod and lay a kiss upon the Commander's face, smiling when they see the corner of her lips perk up in response.

"We take the first step," Clarke says, helping Lexa to stand. Raven and Octavia encapsulate the Commander as they grip her tighter. " _Together_ , Lex."

Lexa's knees shake, but she doesn't feel as weak as she did before. She sucks in a breath and steadies herself, allowing some of her weight to pass onto her partners as they keep their hold upon her body strong and firm. Their hands mould into her skin like a layer of protective armour that shields her from the nagging burden that burns in her mind. Lexa tests her weight on her bad leg and sucks in a determined breath, her gaze steeling as she stares forward. Raven is murmuring encouragements in her ear as she breathes out a shaky gasp when a slice of pain rushes up from her right leg to her spine.

"Slowly," Octavia hums as her hand subtly rubs over the aching spot, "you can do this. Easy now, okay?"

Lexa bites her lip and takes another breath and shifts her foot forward with a whimper. Clarke looks about ready to tell her to go back to the bed when Raven's hand meets hers and the two women exchange a glance with each other. Lexa gathers the rest of her strength continues to drag her feet forward. She stumbles at first, but then the other three women hold her up, murmuring words of encouragement as she walks. Raven's eyes mist with tears as Lexa glances over at her and she nods, kissing her temple and slinging an arm around her shoulder. She nudges the older woman forward again.

"One foot in front of the other," Raven encourages her, watching with pride as Lexa listens and forces her feet to move in an awkward shuffle, "there you go, you're getting it, Lexa. One step at a time, you've got this, sweetheart. You're so strong." Clarke and Octavia nod as Lexa stumbles forward again. 

It takes a few steps before the women let go of the Commander and she's taking her own steps. They're wobbly and misplaced, but they are steps and she is walking. After months of being as useful as a lapdog, Lexa finds herself finally taking short strides forward until she reaches the other end of the wall. When she approaches the alabaster, a tired breath leaves her lips but a smile creeps up on her as she turns around to gaze at her proud mates. Clarke bounds forward when Lexa's knees buckle from the exertion and she lands in those familiar pale arms. A grin forms on Clarke's face, her gaze teary.

"You did it," Clarke murmurs gently, leaning forward to kiss her lips with a beaming smile, "you did it, my love."

"We'll be back in the sparring pits before you know it, Heda!" Octavia chirps from Clarke's side as she approaches with Raven. When Clarke's gaze narrows threateningly, Lexa allows a soft chuckle before she reaches out for her General, pulling her in for a swift kiss to the lips. Octavia's eyes are still glazed but she manages to still look teasing as she pecks her mouth one more time. Raven smiles on proudly, not bothering to wait as she reaches out and pulls Lexa into her arms. The older woman softens against her front, finding solace in the comfort that Raven always carried with her, an infinite power and light.

"I won't fight again," Lexa whispers as she looks to her legs, "I… I can't be the Commander if I can't fight. I'm not… I'm not strong enough."

"Remember when you told me about my strength when we first got together?" Raven whispers into the older brunette's ear. "Remember about how you told me that there is beauty in my ability to overcome the troubles the world has dished me? Remember how you looked at me like I was a pillar amongst the ruins, tall and strong, unbreakable? Do you remember how you had taken me in your hands and made me believe in the wholesomeness of myself?"

Lexa doesn't speak as Raven begins to sniffle into Lexa's hair, her palms stroking up and down those dishevelled braids. Clarke and Octavia are tearing up again as Raven's lips press against Lexa's temple, keeping her mouth glued there until the shuddering gasps of the Commander ease. Raven holds on, tight and strong as she looks down to her own brace with a newfound sense of pride. She angles Lexa's chin to follow it, to show her the metal that keeps her upright, a metal she once burdened herself with, the metal that seemed to claw and infect her heart until it was Lexa who unshackled those chains.

"You are my strength," Raven whispers as Lexa's eyes meet hers again, "and I know that you are so, so strong, Lexa. You are so good, sweetheart."

"You are my hope," Octavia says as she gently reaches out to turn Lexa's head in her direction, "your heart is infinitely the size of your body. You give the world everything and expect nothing in return, my selfless Commander. But you need to know that you deserve all of this, too." Octavia finishes by glancing between herself, Raven, and Clarke. The two other women nod warmly, surrounding the Commander with their presence and comfort.

"You deserve to be loved, to be taken care of, to be held and cherished like the beautiful, brave, courageous, intelligent, caring woman you are. Not everything is about fighting, Lexa. You've fought more than your lifetimes' worth, for us, for your people, for _you_. So please, let _us_ fight for you now," Clarke hums as she leans herself into Lexa's chest, her lips pecking the smooth skin upon her neck, right below her jugular. Lexa gasps as more tears trail down her face the confessions from her lovers. The three women hold her as she comes undone in their arms, soothingly humming to ease her sobs.

"You are _special_ ," Raven softly says into Lexa's ear, "and you always will be, Lexa."

**|#|**

After months of rehabilitation and physiotherapy from Abby and Clarke, Lexa's leg regains functionality at about seventy-four percent. Raven builds her a brace, one that matches her own but with a more intricate design that resembles the winding trees of the forest. _A personalized touch_ , her love says to her. Clarke is relieved of her duty as Acting-Commander when Lexa finally finds herself able to lead her people. She understands, as reluctantly and sadly as she can, that her duties as a warrior now fall behind her duties as a leader after she stubbornly fought with Octavia against the idea of sending her mate and General into the battlefield to quell the threat that had befallen the Shallow Valley. The sinking in her gut as she'd waited in her throne room for days, refusing meals or pushing away her other two loved ones nearly drives her mad as she worries and berates herself with making another risky decision. Clarke and Raven eventually have to drag her away before she melts into the wooden throne, now scratched and clawed by her nails out of anxiety.

When Octavia returns a week later, victorious and grinning about peace between the clans, Lexa nearly passes out from relief. There's some teasing from her General, but the emotional reunion leaves all four of them in tears. Indra bestows her with the ceremonial yellow sash indicating her to be the Commander's most important General, having taken her spot after she retired due to her previous injury. Titus keeps his position as _fleimkapa_ , training Murphy of all people to become the next old guard for the Commander. It'd taken most of them by surprise, especially Raven, that the old thief took interest in the culture of the Commanders. But now, he's well on his way to becoming a keeper of the flame for the beloved Commander's spirit.

But now, as Lexa rests in her bed, surrounded by the nude bodies of her lovers with the dawn sunlight streaming through the curtains to cast a golden ray upon her skin, she feels herself taking breaths of real peace. She adjusts herself on the bed with the faintest of a wince. Abby had something about permanent damage to her sciatic nerve, which will result in chronic pain for the rest of her life in the right leg. Raven had joked about it earlier, the irony of the same thing happening to her on the opposite leg. Lexa takes strength in her courage and bravery and will, and the both of them shoulder their pain together with the supportive grasp of their other partners. Lexa looks at them now, sleeping so peacefully between their shared and warmed furs.

"Why are you awake?" Clarke's sleepy voice grumbles from her breast, causing her chest to vibrate lowly. Lexa glances down to see hazy blue eyes blink slowly up at her. Lexa smiles genuinely, feeling her cheeks redden at the affection in her lover's eyes. Clarke smiles sleepily, tucking herself back into Lexa's side as her hand runs up and down the expanse of her scar-riddled skin. Her fingers trace a few of them reverently and gently, like she's scared of breaking them back open once more. Lexa sighs contently as she lays a few chaste kisses to the top of her lover's head, breathing in the familiar scent of the blonde.

"I have seen very few beautiful things in my life, Clarke. I just wanted to bask in it all," Lexa replies with a raspy voice, her words thick and laden with sleep. Clarke's fingers stop tracing the scar above her torso where the bullet had pierced her and her breath hitches. Behind her, Raven stirs and curls her body into Clarke's soft frame, her hands reaching over the paler woman's hips to land on Lexa's abdomen. Lexa flashes her other lover a grin as she slips from slumber and back into the land of the living. At her other side, Octavia is shifting too, her leg sliding up and down the Commander's own in lazy strokes.

"Will we ever get to sleep in?" Raven moans into Clarke's back drearily. "I mean, we're in times of _actual_ peace now. Surely we can sleep in?"

"Isn't that Clarke's line?" Octavia chuckles as she leans up to peck Lexa's cheek and then reaches over to place one on Clarke's lips and Raven's brow. Lexa winds her arm around her General's back before squeezing her tightly into her own frame. The women smile at Octavia's joke as Clarke grumbles something incoherent and teasing in response. Lexa gives them each a kiss good morning, revelling in the love clouding the thick, silent air.

"What's on your mind, Commander?" Raven asks as she sees the familiar distant and nostalgic green eyes staring off at the three of them. Lexa's lips pull up into a smile, like she is letting the words process in her mind before she decides that she finally has the courage to ask a question that has long since burned in her mind. A question that has been sitting there since their first night under the stars and influence of the swill and the taste of victory. Tears of happiness well in her eyes as she reaches out to graze Raven's cheek with her other hand, drawing her face upwards before she glances at Clarke and Octavia. The three women peer up at her curiously, both confused and intrigued at the way Lexa tears her walls down for them, leaving her bare and raw.

"Marry me," Lexa whispers the words to all of them, not as a question but as a statement, "bond with me, my loves."

Clarke, Octavia, and Raven all look at each other in shock and happiness at the question. Lexa looks nervous and riddled with anxiety, maybe even a hint of dejected and wary, too, as if she'd overstepped an invisible line that she couldn't have foreseen out of her blind love for the three women. For a moment, the Commander crawls back into herself in fear of having made yet another mistake, but her trepidation is short lived as she finds three eager faces peppering her own with love and affection. Lexa sighs as they kiss her passionately, crying into her with just as much happiness as she feels bursting from the confines of her once weathered start. She holds her lovers close as they all nonverbally tell her the most beautiful of words: _yes_. 

"Forever?" Clarke murmurs as she removes herself from Lexa's lips to stare at her lover. Lexa nods as she returns the kiss fervently. She breaks off as Octavia snatches her face and draws her into her own sloppy but passionate kiss. Raven only chuckles as she draws Clarke into their own gentle peck.

"Forever," Lexa replies as she draws Raven into her own slow, gentle tangle of lips, " _forever_ and _always_."

"Smooth," Raven echoes she'd said months ago, back when Lexa had been drug-addled and high, but this time her voice doesn't contain tease. Only pure affection pours through the ferocity of her kiss, conveying every emotion that she'd repressed for years into complete bliss. Lexa grins harder when she pulls away to see Clarke and Octavia exchanging the last of the butterfly kisses they'd been exchanging. As she thinks back on her life, on all that she's lost and all she's loved, she knows that if she had to endure that pain and suffering to be here now, to be finally happy and at peace, she'd do it over again.

"My mom is going to murder us," Clarke chuckles as she leans back into Lexa's chest. "Titus will probably have a heart attack."

"Indra will most likely insist on leaving Polis and will go to Luna's camp in seek of refuge," Lexa quips with a giggle, leaning back against her furs. Octavia lays her head upon her other shoulder, shaking her head when she thinks of the reaction her former mentor will have regarding their newest engagement.

"Bellamy is going to be confused," she remarks as she thinks to her brother, "but I think Monty is going to throw us a party with Miller."

"Jasper better make us some good moonshine - none of that garbage stuff from Murphy's party last month," Raven adds in, screwing up her face as she remembers the godawful taste of the alcohol and the killer hangover the four of them, bare for Lexa and her insane tolerance, they'd suffered for days. Indra had scolded Octavia for a week upon her responsibilities as a General and Titus had side-eyed both Raven and Clarke for their choices.

"Wait," Clarke interjects suddenly as she leans up, " _how_ exactly are we gonna get married?"

Lexa raises her brow in confusion. "Is marriage not of a _Skaïkru_ tradition, Clarke?"

"No, no it is, but it's usually between two people. And I mean, we're not two people we're… well there's four of us."

"The more the merrier I think," Octavia rumbles with a smirk as she winks over at Clarke. Raven chuckles when Clarke blushes, but Lexa remains aloof as always, perturbed again by the culture of her three lovers. The Commander sighs and lays a gentle kiss to those messy golden locks, smiling gently.

"It's a simple bonding ceremony. The marriage of four souls into one," Lexa explains as she look to each of them meaningfully. "It can be public or private, but it's purpose is to tie our spirits together. To signify that to the end of our days, we will breathe as one, suffer as one, love as one, and grow as one. Our burdens will be shouldered equally, our sorrows halved and our happinesses doubled. It's… it's not usually likely for a Commander to get married, or have a mate at all, let alone more than one, but I think that things have changed since the first Commander came down to Earth, don't you think?" Lexa's voice is a bit vulnerable, like she is seeking their approval for her formalities. If her hands weren't around Octavia and Raven, she'd be twiddling her fingers.

"That's…," Raven breathes out, misty-eyed, " _wow_."

"Yeah," Octavia whispers as she reaches down to grasp Lexa's hands, "that's something, Lexa. _Damn_."

"Is it… um… something you would want… with me?" Lexa asks tentatively, looking to her lovers. "Now you know what it entails?"

"Yes," Clarke answers first, watching as both Octavia and Raven nod in response. She trails her palm up to cup Lexa's cheek, her thumb brushing away the lone tear that streaks down her cheek before it can drip off her chin. Tears well in her own eyes as she leans up and kisses her softly, slowly, as if the world itself has stopped spinning and time has halted for them to experience this joy in an infinite time loop. Something in Lexa's heart finally breaks free.

"Let's do it," Clarke replies after the kiss, "let's get married, Lexa."

"I'm down," Raven grins as she echoes the words she'd uttered before their first time together, "but one thing."

"Anything," Lexa nods at her lover, a serious expression taking over her face. Raven leans forward and pecks her lips.

"Can we wait until it's a little warmer… and _not_ in the morning, please. I would like to be awake for our consummation," Raven pleads with a feigned moan. Clarke agrees with a firm nod of her head, sending her own desperate glance to the Commander and her General. Lexa only laughs at their expressions.  

"Of course," Lexa chuckles as Octavia snorts at the request. The four of them snuggle together, relishing in the affectionate silence that passes through the air. Occasionally, they meet for lazy touches or heated kisses, but their intimacy remains on an emotional level for the rest of the morning. Eventually, the warmth of the furs and the proximity of soft bodies lulls Lexa's lovers back into slumber, but she doesn't bother to rouse them from sleep this time.

All Lexa can think as she stares down at them with glassy eyes, that _finally_ after all that pain and suffering, she gets to be the young girl in love she dreamed of being. She remembers her childhood memories, of days spent lounging with Costia beneath the stars, talking of things that Titus once said were not belonging of a Commander. She remembers the day that Titus had told her love was weakness, that it would be love that would get her killed. And now, as she watches the loves of her life slumbering in her arms, she thinks that _maybe_ a Commander's love is weakness, that _maybe_ their life is meant to be a lonely one, that _maybe_  their sole purpose is to defend and protect, to serve and fight for their people, that _maybe_ their love is finite and insignificant.

But not _this_ Commander's love. Not yet.

(Not _ever_.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRANSLATIONS:
> 
> Yu so kom goufa - you are like a child  
> Yu laik branwada - you are an idiot  
> Kru - people  
> Mou - boy  
> Skirsh - shit  
> Ripa - murderer  
> Em laksen, beja, sis ai au - it hurts, please, help me  
> Hodnes - love
> 
> Sorry this took so long. I'm still grieving our Heda.
> 
> I hope this made some people smile. She deserved so much more. The second part is all fluff, I swear.


End file.
